The church had given me two main priorities when I was ordained into the position of Youth Minister: to get the youth engaged in church and give them an understanding of the core Message doctrine to give them a closer understanding of why we were separate from other forms of Christianity. I felt that I had to find the Tim-way of doing this so that they would be safe from the doubts and frustrations I had. I wanted to bring the Bible into their lives as they’d never seen it before, making it real to them. A big part of that was to dig up every article and fact I could about the people in it and taking artistic license to bring it into modern terms for them to understand.

              The youth group that had been my sole focus in church for years taught me about being accountable for everything I believed. While tapes and sermons were inspiring and powerful for a congregation, frequently, they failed to explain many of my questions. This was in part because I could not begin a conversation with them and ask things of it when I was lost. I could have researched the transcriptions of William Branham’s sermons, but regardless of how deeply I searched, many of his most famous and referenced quotes rarely followed with grounding and explanation, especially rarely with explicit Biblical support. The one place that always gave me an answer or a direction was the Lord’s Word, so I set the youth group on that same path. In some ways, it was my own failure to find answers for myself within Message doctrine. My inability to continue to follow it, which led to my departure from the Message, was the beginning of the youth’s falling out as well.

            On several occasions, the church leadership asked me why I taught primarily the Bible to the youth group, in place of our more exclusive Message doctrine.  In consideration of tapes and quoting William Branham, they had memorized and and learned almost nothing, because  he was so rarely the answer to their questions, when it came to breaking things down for them.As they participated more in the Question and Answer services, they wanted to know more and more about Biblical concepts to apply in their lives, replacing much of the Branham’s teachings.  Finally he came in my classroom early one Sunday when it was just staff preparing for the service, and told me that I needed to be including Branham’s sermons into my lessons. That’s why I was there to be their youth pastor, and I needed to teach them the Message, and that they would learn the Bible through William Branham, as that was the right way to reach God.

            I was afraid of questioning my faith in the Message for many years, because all of my spiritual leaders, my father and pastor and the deacons that I had come to know so well, couldn’t see what I was learning. When I backed up, asking things of Message doctrine and William Branham’s teachings that the Bible had answered for me and that deep prayer and desperate conversations with God had opened up for me, I found so much out of place. When I compared the two and one came up short, I could see no other answer than to take time and develop my own direct relationship with God outside of the Message and many of its spiritual leaders. I always believed, even as I left, that if the Message was true and best for my spiritual journey, God would’ve led me back to it in a way I could understand.

When I think back to my times in church, my first and most precious memories are my times spent with the kids in my youth class. The 3-5 services a week made church seem more like a job than enjoyable. The pressure to run the soundboard and produce copies of the services that met the Pastor’s approval made services more stressful than a time to hear from God. The kids would run around the church, goofing off, to the consequence of a lot of disapproving looks from the deacons and other church leaders, which ultimately fell on me.  After everything, it was still worth it to close the door every Sunday morning and open up the Bible to them.

My goal was to take all the stories and questions they had ever had and take them off the shelf. I wanted them to see the Bible as a book of stories about people as real as them and their friends. I wanted to make them think about the deeper parts of each story in the Bible, the human side: the questions the characters must have had and the doubts and fears they experienced. From the pages of the Bible I would pull the characters out and use my imagination to make them come alive for those kids. I thrived on their curiosity once they got into it. By being direct and open to discussion with all of their questions, not just Bible lessons, my classroom became a place for them to work through things at school, home, and church. As part of their journey, church and Biblical teachings became intertwined in their decisions and plans, as a place to be open up to God’s plan through discussion with other followers of God. We talked and laughed and cried about so many topics but they began to listen in ways I never even hoped I’d reach.. It became clear as they returned each Sunday with questions about the lesson from the previous week that they had read their Bibles between classes, in both personal study and by paying attention.

Whenever the adult service would gather for questions and answers, I encouraged them to be as comfortable with the adults as they were in Sunday School class. Eventually my class was the main source of questions for those services. Many of the lessons involved games, to put fun and practice into the association while they learned. We got  together at bonfires, games, or anything else I could do to make sure they were active and engaged in the church regularly. In a matter of months, I took the teenager population from sleeping during the sermon to taking notes for questions later. It meant the world to me to see them grow in Christ. I had found my focus. I loved teaching them. They made studying my Bible fun and challenging. I couldn’t just talk about Solomon and his temple, I had to know the measurements and value of the thing, cause they would ask me anything and everything. Youth Ministry was my calling. After so much fighting, God had brought me there to give me hope in my faith again.

As I was becoming accepted by those in leadership, I was still dealing with my own doubt. I felt like I was missing part of the relationship with Him. Typically, when faced with a problem where I seem to be the only one not getting it I do one thing; take it apart and learn every piece one by one. I assume that because there are others around they must have figured it out, it must work, the issue therefore is me. So I made sure that I learned it better than anyone so I could help others find what I was clearly missing.

My immersion started with learning the rules and doctrine of the Message better than anyone around me. If this thing was to be what my eternal destination was gauged off of, I would own it. My fellow believers were happy to provide me with books and tapes and quotes. Digital copies were passed around like they were the Holy Grail. The amount of money made off of those first 30gb ipods (27ish gbs were needed to hold the message at that time) must have been insane. For much of my church, this became a convenient way to expose themselves to God’s word, which I too fell into. I listened to recordings when driving, read the books on my lunches, and studied my bible at all hours of the night.

Due to this and my Father’s appointment to assisting minister and deacon in the church, it became known that even as a young man, I was ahead of most in doctrinal understanding. I was becoming respected for having my life together.. I was often invited to the men’s breakfasts and other gatherings; it wasn’t long before I was involved on multiple levels. I took over the recording and reproduction of the services at our church, assisting with almost anything technical. Eventually, I was ordained into ministry and spoke from the pulpit on a number of occasions, which was rare at only nineteen.
Eventually as the previous youth minister stepped down, he and the assistant pastor came to me and offered me the position. I laughed. I was young; I didn’t know how to be in charge of kids not that much younger than myself. I prayed about it and finally. During prayer and fasting I felt like the lord had told me to “Be strong and of good courage, and do it: Fear not, nor be dismayed: For the Lord God, even my God, will be with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee, until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord.” (I Chronicles 28:20)

I had never been so nervous in my life. Standing there in the suit I’d preached to hundreds in still left me shaking in front of these kids. I was a young and naive twenty years old about to face my first class of 11 to 17 yr olds. I was tasked by the Pastor and his assistant to fix the problem of the teenagers not being engaged and wanting to give up on church. I was to turn them towards Christ. I had to show them the missing pieces that I, myself, had barely found. They reminded me every day that even I didn’t know how to find God in the Message all the time, but that I was going to find the answers for them, because my pastor and my God had asked it of me.

Most of the people in Bible stories are perfect examples for us, because things always seem to work out for them, almost like a fairytale ending. Trying to translate that to our everyday struggles can be tough, unless we recognize that they were directed in their daily lives as we are. We have to remember that all of His people in the Bible were fallible humans like us, that it was always God working in their lives as he does in ours. Each of us must aspire to be like Christ, knowing that through all our certainty and faith and hard work, we will never be perfect. Aiming for perfection here on Earth can be a losing game. We are powerful because we can do all things through Him, but not alone. Miracles are a little out of reach, so we tithe and volunteer and help out others in everyday ways that a lot of people won’t notice. But to that individual, you just changed their whole day. We all know there are a ton of canned-food drives and goodwill and salvation army and blood drives, and in all these ways we are encouraged to help. I sometimes like to go out of my way to make someone feel special, or to support someone through personal issues, or whatever may offer itself up to me. I began making conscious efforts every week to help someone, anyone, without any intention of repayment or favored owed back to me. Sometimes by the littlest of actions and sincerest heart, God was able to make someone feel His love through someone like me. God’s works have always come through human hands, working through us, under his guidance. Every thing that we know about him has been passed through us, and we carry that responsibility to live up to His name. How do you show his love? Do you have any every day suggestions for the rest of us, to be better parts of the community and do good works to express our love, which comes from Him?

I spent a lot of time in youth ministry, working with ages 11-16. Most times, they found the Bible to be unrelatable and unreadable in some aspects because Jesus and his disciples were always perfect, almost by definition. As you know by now, my church only used the KJV because other versions were seen as worldly. Yet more often than not, the argument from other versions is that the KJV is difficult to understand. I remember trying to humanize the stories for them, to tell them about Jesus as a man who walked the Earth as we do, with 12 guys who were definitely flawed, more like us. I was hit with a lot of criticism for that, with telling stories about them like they were characters in a book or someone you knew locally. But I found that when you felt you understood each of them, it made everything more real or at least make some sense for the first time. If they can be as broken as me and still find love with Jesus, in person, individual, then I had a chance. Have you ever wondered what they felt like, in a very personal way, to be on that adventure, but also to sit and make jokes over the dinner table with the Son of God? We are told so many times that Jesus walked on the Earth as we do, and loved as we love, and was human, like us. But we forget to realize that he was ‘human’ and he surrounded himself with very ‘human’ people.

Discussing major milestones in my journey out of a cult and to Christ can be difficult at times. Truth, while liberating, is always harder to write than fiction. When I left the cult I did so quietly, behind closed door meetings with the leadership, and not screaming out at my fellow church goers. I came to myself and realized how far their teachings had been from the Bible. How the entire church I belonged to was more focused on the words of a man long since dead, and the rules made by a man hell bent on controlling his flock. Out of a congregation of nearly 200 I received only two phone calls from people concerned about my devotion to the cult. Bitterness over that lack of reaction caused me to just stop attending church at all. I searched through every religion I could get my hands on. From the Catholics I was taught to hate, to the Jews I was taught to pity, to the Satanists I was told to fear. I read book after book on, and by, them all. I went in, and verbally sparred with anyone in authority I could find. I was trying to find the errors in their beliefs now that mine had failed me so suddenly. Lashing out trying to make sense of years of indoctrination.
There were days I laid in bed with the weight of my thoughts holding me down more effectively than any physical bond could have. Leaving the cult had cost me my family, my church, my friends, and any support I could have hoped for. Marital advice? Get back into the cult and God would fix everything. Family struggles? Obviously I was backslidden and needed to get back into the church and listen to the prophet some more. I was more alone than I had ever thought possible. My phone was full of numbers that either would push me back into the cult, or refuse to hear me out and tell me to just get over it.
The local Hindu Brahmin (priest) graciously tolerated my intrusions on his temple and rituals, explaining things to me as he went along. During a time of feeling alone, lost, and purposeless, I was given my next message from God in the most unexpected place. “The meaning of life is multifaceted. There are parts for taking care of yourself and parts about helping others. You’ve been here seeking enlightenment and we’ve allowed you to go through blessings, yet when you speak of others it is about what they have done to you, not what you’re doing for them. You did not arrive to this moment in your life alone. You owe something to each and every person who helped you become who you are. Your parents, your teachers, and most importantly you owe something to those who will come after you. You seek a lot but you are full and not giving into others. You must seek a balanced spirit.” This man’s words reminded me of my Sunday School Teacher from my youth, who I had succeeded in heading that youth ministry. I thought about the kids I had once taught. I thought about everyone still stuck where I had once been and how I had helped keep them there. I needed to balance that.
From the two phone calls when I left, to a barrage of messages when I became vocal, I realized one thing: groups like what I came out of will never change for those sitting comfortably on the pews paying their money. It will never change for those that never pick up the Bible and learn it for themselves. It will be business as usual until you are actively searching out your own personal salvation. Many of us have had those times when we wanted to change, we wanted out of a toxic situation, we wanted to say something to make it all better. Yet due to peer pressure or circumstances beyond our control we were stuck. Sometimes physically stuck in institutes, or in back offices of churches, or in a pew, or in our beds or within our own minds. At those times when our own words fail, when someone is making sure we aren’t heard or feel worthless for not going with the status quo, we look to others for inspiration.
Last week I mentioned some of the odd places God has spoken to me. He is not limited by our circumstances, by our peers, by anything. God will find you where you are and his gospel will set you free. We here at The Incomplete Message are simply trying to be a voice for those who feel controlled with no way out. Christ brings a freedom like no other. So for you who are feeling alone, for those stuck, for those afraid. Christ is right there. If we can help even one person become free from man’s religions, we have accomplished everything.
1 Peter 5:8-9 (KJV)
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: 9 Whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.
There are times I wish I’d never been in the cult, it damaged my family in immeasurable ways that I’ve only just begun to understand. I fought with God for years thinking he had simply stood by while we suffered at the hands of greedy men. Only recently have I looked back and seen that this was all needed for someone to react and speak against them, for those who had already suffered before me, and those still suffering right this very day. The amount of control they hold can keep even the most determined and vocal of us from ever saying a word. The more timid and gentler have little hope of getting out of these toxic situations. So after running away from Church, God, and everything else, I found something to work towards. That my freedom from the cult was not something to take for granted, but that I needed to be just as active out of it as I had been in it. That my ministry didn’t end when I left one single church, but that I had finally found the focus and motivation to point people to God and his Word. To put up with the hate mail, the calls, the lies, being physically thrown out of churches for not agreeing with off-Bible teachings, and be a light for those in need. A voice for the silent.
I have lost much, but I gained so much more in finding my purpose. I cannot stand here and tell you I’ll understand where every one of you is coming from, but I want to stand beside you, to help you in anyway I can, and to encourage those afraid that there is always hope as long as we hold to God’s unfailing word and love one another. Whoever abides in Love, abides in God.